Create a Team of Friends

I have never really had a “friend group.” In fact, I’ve always hated that phrase because to me that means you are tied to spending all your time with the same people.

My replacement is my “team of friends.”

Growing up (and to this day), I always enjoyed spending time one on one with people, or in small sets of people. It took me until about a year ago to discover the reasons behind my preference, to accept that it’s okay, and to realize why I actually think it’s more beneficial.

No One is the Same Around Everyone

I am not the same person around everyone, and I don’t believe that anybody is. That is not to say I am inauthentic. Authenticity is actually something I value most in myself and other people. Instead, what I mean here is that there are certain people who I am very serious around–we talk about school, careers, and what shit needs to get done. Others, I am very loose around. There is no mention of school, work, or anything serious. I talk about fitness, health, and recipes with some others. There are people where we find ourselves questioning the meaning of life and asking ourselves if life is even real.

Then there are those rare individuals who encapsulate it all. They just get me and I can do it all with them. But, these people are rare because, like I described, we all have many interests and it is impossible for a large scale of people to truly understand all facets of you, which brings me to my point of crafting a team.

Who Do You Want on Your Team?

Besides these few rare individuals who truly do satisfy all parts of my personality, I have come to think of relationships as creating a team for myself. Like many others have said, I really do believe that we are the product of the people we spend our time around. Considering that idea, it would make sense to be selective about who we fully let into our lives.

In my opinion, there are a few key players that everybody needs, and the remaining ones are dependent on the unique person.

Person # 1 is fun: Life is too important to be taken seriously. That is a concept that I have written on a post-it on my wall that I have been trying to embrace. Everyone needs fun in their lives, and often it comes from the people we are around. For someone who is really Type A, like myself, having people who can make me laugh and loosen me up is really important to me. Everyone’s definition of “fun” is something different. To me, getting drunk in a bar is not what I think of when I think of fun. Finding those that have a similar (does not need to be exact) definition is crucial.

Person # 2 is smarter than you: Simply put, you will never learn by surrounding yourself with people who do not have more experience and wisdom than you do. You need someone smarter than you to go to for logical advice, to give their perspective, and to learn from.

Person # 3 listens to you: Sometimes we need logical advice, other times we just need someone to listen and understand. I have certain people in mind when I need them to tell me their opinion on a dilemma, and others who I just need them to hear what I am saying.

Person # 4 is physically healthier than you: Without our physical health, we have nothing. Strong physical health instilled in someone’s values trickles down into all other parts of their life. Having people in your life that are disciplined with their fitness and nutrition only pushes you to be the same in that area and others.

Person # 5 has a better mindset than you: No one wants to be around someone that is all negative All. The. time. OR someone who is living in complete la la land. But, there are always those people that just seem to always have that “right” outlook about things, and those are who you want to find.

There are many more, but what connects all these players for me is the underlying trait of improving me and inspiring me in some way. If someone is not ADDING to my life and motivating me to become a better version of myself, there is simply no place for them. Be kind to everyone, there is absolutely no reason not to be. I just mean that there is no need for me to be putting extra energy into someone who is not positively contributing to my team, and you shouldn’t either.

With a really good drafted team, you don't need a friend group.